Countdown: 5 Days to Go!

Doctor Heinz Beenz has just been round my house, in my face, giving me a one on one personal lecture. Here's what your friend and mine has to say on the subject of Santa Claus.



"Santa Claus. He is a man of many names. A man of mystery. Like James bond he comes and goes in the night, but unlike the superspy Santa doesn't have as many people with machine guns trying to kill him.



"Santa is an elusive character and we're going to explore his many facets to see how much we can discern about this jolly fat man with ample largesse.

"So firstly, the names. What's in a name? Many letters! And what comes from many letters? A postal service! Following this logic it is safe to assume that Santa is come kind of postal service. This would also explain the delivery of wrapped parcels, or 'pres-ents' to people around the world.

"Santa Claus, Chris Cringle, Father Christmas, Uncle Wolfgang (at least, that's what the person I caught dropping presents off in my room last Christmas called himself). These names are an example of a man who is confused. This confusion leads to a deep feeling of wanted to be a part of something, so he delivers presents to make all the children of the world feel better which in turn will make him feel better for a short period of time.

"The jollity of this man also knows no ends. He has a belly which wobbles like the jelly when it is pushed (very much like my own). In fact he has a big white beard...very much like my own. He wears read and only comes out at Christmas...

"... I have to go, right now!"

Wow, its astonishing how this man made it into a position of power as the Science Master General at Daily Week Times.